


Roses Do Not Grow on Vulcan

by dedicatedfollower467



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M, Miscarriage, Romance, Roses, Vulcan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-23
Updated: 2010-10-23
Packaged: 2017-11-27 15:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dedicatedfollower467/pseuds/dedicatedfollower467
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda's increasing frustrations with her inability to grow her favorite flowers coupled with issues regarding Sarek and Amanda having children.</p><p>Warning! Fic contains discussions of miscarriages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roses Do Not Grow on Vulcan

**Author's Note:**

> Canon is a little bit bent, parts of it nearly broken, and lots of fanon, though the fanon is a little broke as well. This story was originally posted at fanfiction.net, and I think it is still one of the best fanfics I have ever written. Enjoy!

Roses do not grow on Vulcan.

That fact had sincerely disappointed Amanda, after the years of experimentation and research she had conducted in an attempt to allow her favorite flowers to thrive on her new homeworld. She had long known it would be a challenge to grow roses on Vulcan, but had never expected quite the difficulties she had now.

Vulcan's strange soil was the first of her woes. Although high in minerals like copper and nitrogen, it was terribly deficient in the important nutrients roses need, like potash. Every time she tried to plant even a simple bush, it was either starved from lack of one nutrient or another, or poisoned by the high concentration of copper.

When Amanda got around this trouble by developing a kind of fertilizer that provided the most important nutrients and counteracted the copper, she discovered that Vulcan's inclement climate was also a danger to the flowers. Its high temperatures during the day caused them to shrivel and dry up, low temperatures in the night froze young blooms, and the strong winds that frequently blew across the planet could rip the vines from any trellis or support, leaving the heads of the roses to blow across the desert sands. Frequently Amanda would leave well-developed bushes one night and then in the morning find nothing but a bundle of dead twigs.

Sarek had built her a greenhouse, with imported soil, to allow the roses a perfect Earth atmosphere. But that wasn't what Amanda wanted. She wanted to condition, or perhaps to breed roses that could survive the harsh cruelties of Vulcan and grow up the arbor that stood bare and empty over a bench in one of the gardens.

It was a wonderful, comfortable bench, with a beautiful view of a purely Vulcan garden, using little extra water or fertilizer to grow the somewhat reclusive plants that were native to the planet. Sarek's grandmother had been a great gardener, coaxing otherwise ugly or diminutive plants into a form and design that was aesthetically pleasing. Sarek had continued to take care of the garden after she was dead, although this was mainly through the employment of a gardener.

Sarek's grandmother had grown Vulcan Ivy Tea up the arbor, a perennial vine with tiny white flowers and a subtle scent, whose leaves were used to make an herbal drink which was used as a restorative and muscle relaxant.

Only a few months after their marriage, a flood had nearly destroyed the ancient Vulcan garden. Some of the hardiest bushes and trees survived, many of them hundreds of years old, but the ivy tea had been utterly demolished. The lasting roots were ripped out of the ground and the soil was prepared for re-planting.

Sarek had given Amanda free reign of the garden because she liked it so well, and while she had approved of much of his grandmother's layout of the native flora, she wished to put a little bit of humanity into this lovely garden. The ground around the arbor had lain barren for two years now, kept fresh and prepared for the rose that would finally be able to live on Vulcan.

* * *

Amanda was insistent on the need to paint and prepare the baby room.

When she and Sarek had sat down and finally discussed the idea of having children, she was surprised to find that he was just as eager as she was to begin parenthood. Although he was slightly more cautious and more knowledgeable about the kinds of difficulties a half-Vulcan child would face, as well as the kinds of challenges there would be in raising a child of two worlds, he seemed quite ready to take on the adventure.

Being the kind of intelligent , factual people they were, they set out on a quest for research, to find some kind of precedent. They were shocked to discover that no half-Vulcan-half-human children had ever been born, at least none that had been documented. In fact, there seemed to be very few instances of half-Vulcan children, although there were quite a few more half-human children. Amanda attempted to compile all the information she could on the physiological and psychological profiles of hybrid children of either race.

Genetics informed them that a Vulcan-human hybrid was more likely to have more Vulcan physical characteristics, because of the high dominance factor and pure-breeding qualities of Vulcan genes. Physiological precedents indicated that hybrid children frequently had difficulties with conventional methods of medicine and treatment for common diseases, and were prone to disorders belonging to either species. Psychological profiles showed that hybrid children tended to be slightly depressed and lonely, rarely truly fitting in either world.

Once aware of the clear risks at stake, Sarek and Amanda once again discussed their desire to have children, and found that they were willing to deal with the problems that might arise.

They spoke to the Vulcan healer about their desire, and he agreed to help them with their pregnancy and child-raising should any problems occur. He even suggested a simple diet plan for when Amanda did get pregnant, to help provide the right nutrients to the developing fetus.

Immediately they began to try. Amanda was quite satisfied with that.

The in-home test had told her she was pregnant, and the healer confirmed it. A baby boy was growing inside of her.

And now Amanda wanted to make the baby room ready for their little child.

Sarek insisted that painting the room while she was pregnant could possibly damage the child, since they had no idea how delicate the child could be. The extra activity could be too much for her, and the harmful scent of the vapors could have very negative effects on the baby.

Amanda conceded that point, but made him shop for baby clothes with her instead.

* * *

It was Sarek who had first sparked her interest in forming a hybrid rose.

He had reminisced at length about how much he had enjoyed sitting under the arbor and smelling the ivy tea leaves. Even though the scent was subtle, it still had powerful relaxing effects. As a child, it had been one of his favorite places to attempt a child's crude meditation, because the drug naturally helped him to calm his mind and body. He had expressed a sense of brokenness at the fact that the arbor no longer held those calming aromas. Then he had stated it was a 'pity' that Amanda could not grow both roses and ivy tea on the same arbor.

Amanda, frustrated as she was by her inability to find the right rose, had still teased him mercilessly about the irrationality of the statement. First of all, the use of the human word 'pity' and his clear nostalgia were already putting him on treacherous footing, but then to suggest that two vines climb the same arbor, when the sheer illogicality of the statement was positively absurd! The ivy tea was much hardier than any rose and would quickly crowd out the frailer flower.

Then Sarek had taken her to an herbal nursery, where he introduced her to a few vines of the ivy tea plant. Their relaxing scent and thick, dark foliage immediately caught at Amanda's heart. They had bought several vines and brought them home, although Amanda was still adamantly against putting them back on the arbor. Instead, she grew them up a trellis along the rocky cliff face, and in a few weeks the beautiful herb had given the garden a lush green backdrop, peppered with tiny white specks. The soothing aroma could sometimes be caught on the opposite side of the garden.

Ivy tea had quickly become Amanda's favorite Vulcan plant. She remembered Sarek's wish that both roses and the tea could grow up the trellis together and at once discovered that she had in her reach the solution to her problem of rose hardiness.

If she could breed a hybrid flower, one that had the tenacity, hardiness, and soothing properties of the ivy tea, but the full, rich flowers of roses, it would easily grow up that arbor, answering both Sarek's longings and her own.

The idea did not easily come to fruition, however. Amanda tried to create the hybrid many times, and consistently failed. Sometimes the plants did not produce seed; though pollinated, the opposing genes of the flowers would not allow seeds to form. Sometimes the plant was far too much like the ivy tea, sometimes too much like a rose. There were days when she thought she had discovered the perfect variation, only to find that the roses were weak and wilting, or that the scent of the ivy tea had been lost. One time she was certain she had found the perfect one; it had beautiful white rose blooms and the perfect scent, but she could not coax it to grow as a vine, it remained a stubborn and stumpy bush that became an eyesore.

But Amanda didn't want to give up on that ivy tea rose. She could almost see it, touch it, taste it, and it seemed perfectly within reach if she only tried again.

* * *

Tears gathered in Amanda's eyes as the Vulcan healer confirmed what she herself had suspected.

Another miscarriage.

Sarek gently squeezed her shoulders, opening the bond to share her grief and sorrow, as well as to give her as much comfort and strength as he could. She gladly accepted his mental touch, turned to bury her nose in his chest and cry.

This was the second time in the past year that the beautiful half-Vulcan child she had been carrying had died before birth. The healer could tell her many facts about why this one, a female, had died. Her blood type was incompatible with the child's. Her abdominal muscles weren't strong enough to support the baby's growing body. The everyday activities and stresses placed upon her as the pregnant wife of an ambassador had harmed her little girl. Her human body wasn't prepared or equipped to provide nutrients and the correct environment for a young Vulcan.

All of them were her fault. She was sure the healer hadn't meant to place any blame or guilt on her; they were human reactions and therefore quite illogical. However, it was her fault just the same. Her fault for being a little human woman whose body could not adapt to carrying non-human child.

Sarek felt those feelings through the bond and put them to rest right away. He assured her that none of it was her fault; that it was just as much his fault as hers, because it was his Vulcan genes that were masking her human ones and making their children more Vulcan than human. If Vulcan genes weren't so powerful, they wouldn't be having these troubles.

That night, as they held each other, just held each other, silently reassuring each other through the bond, Amanda reflected that she really did want a more Vulcan child. One that looked like Sarek.

Sarek informed her that he would rather have a child that was more human, one that looked like her.

As it was, it didn't seem as though their attempts were going to work. The healer had advised them that no matter how many times they tried, it was nearly impossible for them to conceive a hybrid child that would survive Amanda's alien body and its own warring genes. It was better, more logical, to simply stop trying.

But Amanda still clung to an illogical little human quality called Hope. And Sarek, whether corrupted by his wife, or simply a less logical Vulcan than one might expect, clung to that hope with her. They would keep trying.

* * *

She had found it.

The Vulcan Ivy Tea Rose was finally perfected.

It had taken a great deal of trial and error, and in the end, she had to cross one of her earlier tea-like hybrids with a rose-like hybrid to achieve the desired result.

But she had certainly achieved it.

Almost afraid that it was too good to be true, she had grown it in the little side-garden that had once been filled with vegetables but had slowly given way to her obsession with the ivy tea rose. It had flourished beautifully, developing the perfect pale-pink rose blooms and giving off a beautiful tea scent even stronger than the original vine, subtly laced with the smell of perfect roses.

Sarek had volunteered to help her plant it and the two of them carefully prepared the ground around the arbor together, removing the last tiny rocks and the weeds that had grown up in the few days since the gardener had tended this area. Amanda abandoned her work gloves, sinking her fingers into the strong Vulcan soil as they dug out the hole where the vine was to go. Gently, they transplanted it, two sets of hands tamping down the soil around the root ball.

It grew surprisingly quickly for a rose, although when Amanda remembered the fast growth rate of the ivy tea vine she was no longer as surprised. The vine spread over the arbor quickly, and Amanda found herself gently pruning back the unwanted offshoots, causing it to grow thicker.

The bench and the garden seemed even more beautiful with the pale pink roses entwining it. Amanda loved the sort of centerpiece it gave to the Vulcan garden, the strong focal element. Traditional Vulcan styles of gardening did not have a concept of a focal point or a contrasting element, which made that garden seem all the more human. In the same way Sarek as a child had enjoyed sitting under the ivy tea on the bench and meditating, Amanda's favorite thing to do after a long day at work was to sit under the roses and breathe in their soothing scent. It was almost a meditation itself, the relaxing of the mind and body and allowing one's worries to slowly wash away through the comfort of the garden and the smell of the ivy tea roses.

* * *

Now they were up to five.

Five miscarriages in the past two years. Just thinking about it again, almost two weeks after, was still enough to make her cry.

Sarek looked up from his dinner went he felt her mental shields go up. He reached across the dining room table to touch his wife's wrist, silently asking her to allow him in, to let him feel the same pain that she felt.

What she gave to him was her despair.

Maybe Vulcan-human hybrids just weren't meant to be. Maybe logic and emotion couldn't really be reconciled. She was beginning to hate the feeling of hope that stirred within her every time she found she was pregnant, only to have it dashed a few weeks later. Their attempts to have children seemed a waste of effort. Earlier they had talked about having many children. Now if she could have just one it would seem like a miracle.

The chances of having a miscarriage go up every time you have one. Even if Sarek had been a human or Amanda had been a Vulcan, their odds of actually bringing a child to term were so much stacked against them that even Sarek didn't want to compute it.

Ironically enough, it was Sarek, the supposedly emotionless and logical Vulcan, who encouraged her to keep hoping. In the face of horrifyingly low chances, he insisted that those statistics and numbers didn't mean anything. He told her that people win the lottery because they had enough hope to take a chance and risk buying a ticket, no matter how slim the chances of actually winning.

She reminded him that the healer was beginning to be concerned with her health, was afraid that the constant strain of becoming pregnant and having miscarriages was going to do serious damage to her body.

Sarek conceded that point, but insisted that they couldn't give up entirely, because a negative attitude could not have positive results.

Amanda teased him for that, teased him for the emotion inherent in the statement, the 'mind over matter' philosophy.

He informed her quite simply and truthfully that Vulcans had developed and perfected techniques in which the mind did indeed triumph over matter in every respect, from the control of pain to the regulation of bodily functions to the healing trance. And he assured her that thinking it would never work meant that it never would.

So Amanda agreed to keep hoping, for Sarek's sake, for her sake, and for the sake of whatever children they might have.

But they decided they would stop trying so hard. They would stop attempting so desperately to have offspring, and instead go back to simply enjoying each other. That satisfied Amanda and it satisfied Sarek as well.

* * *

Amanda looked up and saw Sarek.

He would've known she'd be here under her roses because he knew nearly every little thing about her, all those simple things she loved to do. There was nothing unusual in him coming to find her, but she hadn't been expecting him home quite so early.

There was a smile on his face as he approached her, one that just barely showed in his lips. But it was quite evident in his deep, expressive eyes as he approached her. She stood, a stray rose brushing the top of her head, and grasped his fingers gently as he came near.

A little light formed in his eyes and he bent down to kiss her in the human way, one hand still in her grasp and the other raising to support her head.

"You're home early," Amanda whispered when the kiss finally broke, unable to find anything else to say.

"I did not find that the paperwork required my attention today. I chose to take the evening off to spend more time with you." The light burned a little bit brighter as he said this, and the hand that was supporting her head slid slowly down her neck to her back.

She stared at him suspiciously. "You're horny," she accused.

"I believe that it the human word for my current state."

"It's not  _pon farr_  is it?" she asked.

Sarek looked at her, and while there was still a smile in his eyes he attempted to show her a disapproving face. "Why is there anything strange in my wish to be with my bondmate?" he returned.

Amanda decided not to ask anymore questions. It wasn't often that she had Sarek in this mood and she wasn't going to let the chance slide by. She leaned up and kissed him again.

The night was comfortable, the temperature of the air being a perfect state that was neither too cold for Sarek nor too hot for Amanda. The smell of the roses helped them both to relax enough to release what inhibitions they had. The bench was slightly cushioned and wide enough to accommodate them. The arbor was hidden deep in the center of the garden, and the foliage screened them from any peering eyes or curious neighbors who might happen to glance over their fences.

There was no need to return to the house.

They made love to each other under the Vulcan Ivy Tea Roses.

* * *

"Yes," the healer said, "A male approximately five weeks into gestation. Slightly more human than the other embryos were."

"Five weeks?" Amanda said, "Are you sure?"

"Perfectly," the healer replied.

Sarek and Amanda rode a taxi back to their home, and as soon as they got there, Sarek insisted that Amanda relax under her Vulcan roses while he prepared a light dinner. She inhaled the beautiful fragrance of the flowers, and pressed her nose into the leaves, to smell them more deeply. The hope had flared up inside of her again, more strongly than it ever had before.

Sarek came out with a supper that consisted mostly of a sandwich-like dish and a cup of tea. He sat down beside her on the bench and they ate together, Amanda leaning her head against his shoulder.

When she was about halfway through her sandwich, Amanda said, "You know the healer said the baby was about five weeks along?"

Sarek nodded. "Yes."

"Well, for two weeks in that time period you had a lot of paperwork and stayed at the embassy late into the night. There was only one night that whole time when you and I were intimate."

Sarek looked down at her. "I remember. What is your point?"

"The child must've been conceived under the roses."

Sarek looked up and around at the flowers surrounding them. "That is true. He was."

Amanda looked up at him. "I think it's an omen."

Sarek graced her with a gentle smile, putting his arm around her and kissing her temple.

"What are we going to name him?" she mused.

"I was thinking 'Spock,'" Sarek said.

Amanda smiled.

After all, who wouldn't want to name their son the Vulcan word for "Flower?"


End file.
